Pearl Jam – Vitalogy

Vinylwav Personal Record Collection

Steve, Steven, and Kenny

Today is my brother Kenny’s and my brother Steven’s birthdays—and it’s also the anniversary of my dad’s passing. All stacked up on each other. And when thinking about an album that would best signify a day like this, I thought about Vitalogy by Pearl Jam, specifically the song “Better Man.”

I think that every single person represented today in this story signifies that song in their own way.

You know, my brother Steven—I didn’t grow up around him because I didn’t know him until much later in life. And he didn’t know me either. But when we finally got to know each other, I realized there were things he was dealing with that I had never seen or witnessed anyone deal with. In fact, I never really witnessed him dealing with it directly. It was all hearsay from my dad telling me, “Your brother Steven has some OCD issues and has a hard time with germs and stuff like that, so he might be a little standoffish.”

But he never really was standoffish with me, even though I can imagine it was strange for him meeting an older brother he’d never known about, later on in life.

Steven went and found his way and, as far as I know, he’s in Korea teaching. I haven’t talked to him in quite some time, but he’s found a way to care for himself and be the type of man he needs to be. And I commend him for that. Happy birthday, Steven.

My brother Kenny… Kenny, I don’t think anybody would have assumed he was going to make it to his forties. Especially if you knew him growing up—he was pretty wild and always getting into some extra special shit that many of us might not have survived.

Somehow, some way, he kept persevering. He made it through a stint in prison and came out with a plan—to meet a girl he’d call his wife, have a family, and get a great job. Just a job where he could raise a family.

I remember when he told me this plan he had. And he did just that. I can’t say it wasn’t without a lot of stress and anxiety. Kenny was a hothead, and there were very few times I saw him scared. Coming out and having to deal with people’s emotions—especially in a place where he’d been used to reacting and being a very reactive person—I know it was hard for him not to be the Kenny we all knew.

But he came out and surprised a lot of people. I’m very proud of you, Kenny. Happy birthday.

Dad. I think a lot of us would love to aspire to be somebody as great as my dad was.

When he was 16, he made me—with the help of my mom, who he didn’t know for very long. He knew her a matter of some hours. He knew about me, but he didn’t really believe it. And I’m sure, as a 16-year-old kid, that could be a scary situation.

But later in life, when I called him up and said, “Hey, I think you’re my dad,” he rose to the occasion. He took responsibility and was interested in meeting me—whether it turned out to be real or fake. He stared that situation in the face.

It was a very difficult situation, I’m sure. Especially for his already full-grown family—my sister, my brother—and for my stepmom, who never knew about me or that I potentially existed. For the most part, I’m pretty sure that’s how that went.

But he stepped up and became my dad. He actually did the things dads do—making sure their children are taken care of—and he helped me tremendously through some very difficult times. He helped me be a better man for my own family. He showed me a lot of respect and care.

Rest in peace, Dad.

But this song, “Better Man.” You know, I was having a hard time thinking of a song that would represent these three great guys—and it just jumped into my head. As crazy as it may seem, it was like the universe was saying, Boom, there you go.

So I’m like—yeah. It’s a great song.

I’ll be listening to Vitalogy today. And I’ll be thinking about you guys.

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